Thhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssss.
This to women who pester men into sex as well.
But ADORABLE that at the end he said “ladies, if this has happened to you.”
Lol. I think he means “so ladies, for all the times every year this has happened to you.”
Lmao. Do men seriously NOT GET IT? The girl in his anecdote never picked up his calls again, which made him understand in hindsight.
But what about the, uh..... “stage five clinger?” What about all the women men are out there saying “man she’s bugging she wants me so bad.”
Are you SUUUUUUURRREEEEEEE this isn’t someone who desperately did not want casual sex, no matter what, believes in monogamy, wants a relationship, was saving herself for something real, that maybe you badgered into having sex with you, perhaps under false pretenses, someone who has been through violent rapes and constant coercion.....
Whose life you just added a whole new level of trauma, deception and abandonment to?
This man understands that a woman might RELENT to protect herself.
Are we so daft we don’t know what the human psyche will do to try to protect itself from knowing you were just a meat bag for a momentary impulse? Do we not know what the brain will do to avoid admitting the WORST THING IN THE WORLD?
We know that men will invent whole narratives about being sooooo wanted and how badly women want it and how desirable they are by pointing to women’s traumatized behaviors and saying “look how into me she is,” instead of saying “I just raped and deceived and tricked and coerced her, and she is now acting like someone who has been raped and deceived and tricked and coerced, but desperately wants to believe something else happened.”
So in that same vein, don’t we understand how desperately women need the mental gymnastics of telling themselves it was special, or a one off, or that they were just so irresistible? It is SOOOOO MUCH EASIER to tell ourselves he wouldn’t have done it if we had said no (BUUUUUULLLLLLLSSSHHHHHHIIIIIIIITTTT) or that he was just so overtaken by our irresistible charm (HE’D HAVE HUMPED A VCR SIS!!!!!!) than it is to live with the fact that we were NOTHING.
I’m glad this man admits to and understands what he’s done. He is retroactively showing more love to this woman he hardly knew than anyone has ever shown me.
HOWEVER.....
In the very beginning he said at the time this incident occurred he was only interested in having sex with women.
So, without conflating a rape that happened with a rape that almost happened, which would be clearly obtuse.....
I wonder if he understands that even if he had stopped or if sex had not occurred or if she had excused herself to go to the bathroom and run out the window..... that the entire interaction was based on either straight up lies/deception or a serious disconnect.
As much as the dudes on dating sites asking “wanna fuck?” are HORRIBLE, I don’t think anyone understands the complete dehumanization of thinking someone likes YOU, likes your jokes, likes your mind, likes your swagger, HELL, maybe even likes your sex, YOUR sex appeal, YOUR sexuality....
Only to learn you were not only replaceable, interchangeable.... but frankly.....
That a lot of times the men themselves didn’t even want you! You were a nuisance, a burden, something they were doing because they thought they were supposed to want to “fuck.” Something they were more interested in telling their bros about because you fit a description of some sort of status symbol marker than anything they ever wanted to ask about her past or her future. An impediment to an orgasm they would have given themselves more quickly and efficiently had you not been there.
We have set up a paradigm where if a man says “I have a sexual need, I desire a human body to release it, I don’t care about you as a person and don’t want to know your life story, but I’ll make it worth your while and pay you for it, if you are ok with that,” it’s ILLEGAL......
But if a man promises more dates and makes plans and asks you to be their girlfriend, says they won’t leave you if you have sex with them, says they’ll love you, preys on a broken person or on the insecurities embedded in women, preys on the known cultural fact that women are told they are only of value insofar as men fall in love with them..... if a man badgers you into RELENTING....
That’s allowed.
Skewed paradigms.
But just to reiterate.....
Women. A LOT of you are having sex like this man admitted to doing. I don’t mean in the role of the woman in this story. I mean as HIM, in the role that this man played in his anecdote. You’re doing it to other women. And you’re doing it to men.
If a man doesn’t find you attractive, if he doesn’t like you.... if a man doesn’t want casual sex or has a girlfriend or doesn’t want to be associated with you sexually.... do not use your insecurities to badger him. Do not use what you know as the fucked up state of our culture and the fact that he might be made fun of or emasculated or put down for not wanting sex to pressure him.
If this man in the video is being open and honest and mature enough to recognize that what he did was date rape, if not legally, at least morally....
Then I think a lot of women have to recognize that if it weren’t for date rape you’d never get laid.
You have to understand how badly you’re breaking these people. And you have to understand that when men are convinced, and post-traumatically trying to convince themselves, that coercion and badgering of this sort is ok, that it’s allowed, that they themselves WEREN’T raped.....
They then go on to do it to other women. Women half their size and more traumatized and less believed and more scared and worried they’ll be killed if they don’t relent 8000x more than the guy was ever worried about being laughed at or ostracized for saying no.
We have to stop the cycle of breaking broken people to break more broken people. We have to.